The Cake Offensive
by demort
Summary: What if Misaki told Usagi-ani he likes cake instead of strawberries? And what if Misaki really doesn't want the cake? Warning: implied smut, fluffiness and a very confused delivery guy!
1. Chapter 1

A/D: I disclaim, not mine. Disclaimer is for all chapters.

A/W: This is a yaoi fan-fiction, so you know the drill; implied smut only; may be considered a bit cheesy/fluffy.

A/N: This is a 'what if' situation. Instead of telling Haruhiko that he likes strawberries, what if Misaki told him that he likes cakes. The cake is delivered AFTER they leave the hotel i.e. in the penthouse. Misaki is a bit OOC but this is fan-fiction. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter: 1

** Aikawa Suzuki doesn't want cake!**

A day in the life of Takahashi Misaki is not something for the faint-hearted. Nor is it suitable for pregnant women and children.

Here's the reason why:

Every morning I wake up with a sore lower body due to one or more of Usagi-san's 'Misaki sessions'. After untangling myself from the aforementioned rabbit and doing my best not to wake him up (because that would open Hell's gate two hours earlier) I take a bath; cook breakfast and lunch. The period after eating breakfast and before leaving for college is where I get my morning exercise: running away from Usagi-san's evil clutches. After slogging for hours in the university (the likes of which include Kamijou-demon) I return home. Only to find myself roped into another one of the crazy weirdness that is Usagi-san's life. If I'm lucky, I make dinner. If I'm not, I end up uke in 'Misaki sessions'. It's a never ending cycle.

Speaking of crazy weirdness, I hope Usagi-ani was not serious about the whole 'I'll steal you away from Akihiko' and 'I love you' thing. One Usami is more than enough in my life.

I look over at the Usami in my life, who was currently typing in his laptop, completely unaware of my internal musings.

"Misaki, there is someone at the door."

Huh? Oh right. How did I miss that?

"Are you so lost in me that you cannot even hear the doorbell?"

"Keep telling yourself that Usagi-san."

I turn away from him to answer the door. I would never admit that he had been correct, partly due to the horror of another mid-day 'mini Misaki session'. Why do I have names for his perverseness?

There was a delivery guy at the door. With a sudden sense of dread, I went downstairs.

"Yes?"

"I have a delivery for Takahashi Misaki."

Okay not good. Not good at all. Deliveries for me usually end badly.

"Sorry? This is Usami Akihiko's house."

There: not a lie, not the full truth either. Why should he know about any free-loaders in the house?

"But I have a delivery of six inch black forest cake for Takahashi Misaki, sent and paid by Usami Haruhiko."

Usagi-ani sent me a cake?! Why?!  
Oh this is bad. Usagi-san is already in a bad mood due to what happened at the hotel. If he sees this cake there is no telling what will happen.

"There is no Takahashi Misaki living here. Are you sure this isn't for Usami Akihiko?"

"No. I'm sure. Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm the servant here, Aikawa Suzuki at your service."

I barely refrained from giving a flourishing bow. I hope Aikawa-san never hears of this.

"This was the address given to me. I don't know what to do now."

"I'm sorry I can't help. I have work to get to."

Disaster averted. Misaki: 1 Usagi-ani: nil.

Back at the penthouse, Usagi-san just had to ask who was at the door.

"It was a delivery."

"You didn't bring anything back."

"It was a mistake. The delivery was for Takahashi Misaki."

The last line was said purely for seeing Usagi-san's reaction. And he didn't disappoint. He looked at me as though I had grown another head that was singing the Japanese national anthem…in Chinese.

"And you are?"

"Aikawa Suzuki, servant of Usami Akihiko, at your service."

This time I did give a flourishing bow. Now, he looked worried. And he got up to check my temperature.

"Are you feeling all right? Did you hit your head on the way?"

"I'm okay Usagi-san. The delivery was a cake from Usagi-ani and I really didn't want that. Technically, I didn't lie. This is your house."

"Cake?! Why did **he** send you a cake?"

I could literally _feel_ the contempt in that 'he'.

"How should I know how a Usami's mind works?"

Okay, it might be because I told him I like cake at the hotel room. But there's no need to tell Usagi-san that.

"You want cake. I'll get you cake. Don't take anything from him."

"I didn't Usagi-san. Now please get back to work. The deadline is tomorrow."

Not without a kiss. I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't anything more. I wonder if he can go even a day without kissing……

I know I can't.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter: 2

**Takahashi Misaki: SHE doesn't want cake either.**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT COMPLETE? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS IS GOING TO DO TO THE PUBLISHING SCHEDULE?"

That was Aikawa-san; the real, female one. It seems Usagi-san didn't meet this deadline either. You know, nowadays my early morning seems almost incomplete without hearing her blow up. It's so nice to hear someone else shout at stupid Usagi. He completely deserves it.

There's someone at the door, again. I just hope it isn't that……Oh shit! It's the delivery guy. I only flashed my face at the intercom so I hope he doesn't recognize me. Well, drastic times call for drastic action.

"Aikawa-san how would you like for me to take personal responsibility for the next deadline?"

Now Usagi-san was giving me that look. The Aikawa Suzuki look. How do I come up with these names?

"Misaki-kun you would do that? Oh thank you, I'll get you some chocolates next time."

Remembering what happened the last time I had Aikawa-san's chocolates, I hastily declined.

"No thank you. But could you do me a favor?"

She looked eager enough to carry my child if only I asked her. I think I'm going to enjoy this.

"All you have to do is……"

* * *

"Misaki, why are we sitting on the floor, listening on the video intercom?"

"Because we don't want to be seen and I asked Aikawa-san to keep the intercom going. You are going to enjoy this."

Usagi-san looked almost sad, like he was watching someone close to him slipping into insanity. I can't say I blame him.

(Over the intercom)

"Yes?"

"I have a delivery for Aikawa Suzuki."

"What?"

Aikawa-san! Remember what I told you. Please don't mess this up.

"I have a six inch vanilla cake for Aikawa Suzuki, the servant at Usami Akihiko's house."

"Oh…but he doesn't live here. He is hired from a cleaning company; he only comes here once a week."

"What? Who are you?"

"Takahashi Misaki."

I had to stuff my mouth with my fist so as not to make any noise over the intercom. Oh this was priceless! I only wish I could see the delivery guy's expression. Usagi-san was smiling too.

"YOU are Takahashi Misaki? But…they said you were a boy. I had a delivery for you yesterday. The servant told me you didn't live here."

"And he was right. I am Usami-san's editor, I don't live here. Please get your facts correct before you make a delivery. Suzuki-kun doesn't live here and will only come here next week. Now if you'll excuse me…"

* * *

"Aikawa-san you were brilliant! I think you should leave the editor job and become an actress! How did you manage to say my name with a straight face?"

"Thank you Misaki-kun. It was the thought of not having to deal with Usami-sensei's next deadline."

"Now will you two tell me what is going on?" Usagi-san never liked to be kept out of the loop.

"Well Usagi-san, living with you has given me incredible insight into a Usami's thinking patterns and taught me how to outsmart one……"

"Oh please continue."

"Well I knew Usagi-ani wouldn't give up with that cake offensive of his. And I also guessed that he would send the next cake to my alias so as to outsmart me. So I made Misaki a girl, Suzuki a hired cleaner and Usagi-ani…outwitted."

There was a round of hearty laughter at that. I'm happy that Usagi-san is laughing over this instead of getting angry. I owe Aikawa-san a lot for this.

"Misaki, you are a genius. That'll teach my dear brother to mess with you."

And there he goes with the kissing.

"Usagi-san, we have a guest!"

"Oh don't worry Misaki-kun, I didn't see a thing."

That just encouraged him to kiss me more. There was joy and pride in that kiss. And love, lots and lots of love.

I'm happy.

* * *

A/N: I always thought Misaki was a girl's name. Well I hope it comes across as unisex.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter: 3

**Usami Akihiko hates cake!**

Nii-chan, I'm being hunted!

Breakfast was just over. There is an hour and half to go until I have to leave for university and Usagi-san is up to his usual ways: in conclusion I am out of breath and out of places to hide. I'm so sure he enjoys this…morning workout session?

More like morning make-out session. Ahhh again with the names!

There was a ring on the door. We both looked up with undisguised eagerness. No, it couldn't be, not for the third day!

"Misaki?"

"Usagi-san, do you mind getting the door please?"

I'm pretty sure I'm floating with wings, harp and a halo. That sweet tone could have deceived anyone, anyone except the rabbit that is.

"Sure, what do you want me to do?" He asked with a smirk.

Soon the smirk transformed into a full blown laughter.

* * *

(Over the intercom)

"Yes?"

"I have a delivery for Takahashi Misaki, male or female OR Aikawa Suzuki, also male or female, whoever is available."

I could just _hear_ the defeat in the delivery guy's voice. I'm so mean…

"How about none of them? Only I am available."

"And you are?"

Oh dear, you just had to ask that, didn't you? Now he is going to go all high and mighty.

"Usami Akihiko, the owner of this house. Now do you have a delivery for me?"

"Ummm, no? Can't I speak with your editor or servant please?"

"You came to my house to speak with my editor or servant? That speaks volumes about your mental acuity."

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I GIVE UP! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! HERE, HAVE THIS FRICKING SIX INCH CHOCOLATE CAKE, SENT AND PAID BY USAMI HARUHIKO. ENJOY YOUR DAY!"

That poor, poor delivery guy, I do feel so sorry for him. I can hear Usagi-san chuckling on his way up.

* * *

"Well that was fun. We got Usagi-ani off our backs. I don't think the delivery guy will come here even if he was paid in gold. Plus we have free chocolate cake."

"Yes, a good day in all, all thanks to you Misaki."

The laughter still hadn't quite left us. Both of us were prone to random bursts of laughter, thinking about the poor guy's fate and Usagi-ani's reaction.

I finished the whole cake by myself. Usagi-san doesn't like sweet things. I just hope I don't embarrass myself in front of Usagi-san with my sugar-high. I'm sure I'm going to get one any time now.

* * *

That night, the residents of the upscale luxury apartment in one of the best neighborhoods in Tokyo were being more raucous than their blue-collared counterparts. Televisions sets and home-theatres were blaring, heavy metal music was approved in teenager's music systems, and dogs were encouraged to bark: anything and everything to block out the noises of carnal pleasure coming from the top floor apartment.

And Usami Akihiko, after his twenty something orgasm, concluded that he would buy Misaki chocolate at each and every opportunity he got. God bless the sugar-high in teenagers!

FIN~

A/N: There you go. Review and tell me if I should be proud or hide away in shame. I hope it made you laugh :)


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